"...cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."
Remember the old Taylor Swift song "Blank Space?" There was this line in there that seemed to describe Love Island's Megan Barton-Hanson perfectly. She has the vintage Hollywood glamour look (think Marilyn Monroe), upgraded with modern day style (think Scarlett Johansson). Blonde, fair-skinned, doe-eyed, curvy, with pursed lips, she is literally every Love Island male contestant's fantasy.
Let's recap on this fantasy statement:
- When she enters the villa, Dr. Alex and Eyal fight over her attention, with the other guys playing a trick on Eyal so Alex could have some alone time with her. Eyal eventually wins her over, and she chooses to couple up with him.
- They become the first couple in the villa to have sex.
- The next day, she claims that he's not funny enough and that their connection is purely physical. So, she dumps him without further thought, despite his protestations that they try to work out any differences.
- Then, she turns around, tells Wes that she fancies him. Despite the fact that he has been happily coupled up with Laura since Day 1. And likewise, once he hears her say the magic words, he doesn't even have second thoughts about dumping Laura and jumping ship.
- The two openly show PDA in bed in full view of the other members in the villa, including poor Laura.
- The next day, all the men are whisked away to another villa to meet six new women. The women remain in the main villa and meet six new men.
- All the new men, when asked to rate their top 3 women, have Megan on their lists.
- She builds up a connection first with Alex, who doesn't even bother looking at anyone else. At the same time she kisses Dean in front of the whole villa.
- Frankie, the third contestant who's vying for her attention, openly tells Samira he's into Megan, causing the former to have a crisis of confidence.
- So with Wes gone, she chooses to couple up with Alex. When he comes back by himself, expecting to carry on with her where things left off, he's shocked to find that she's found a new man.
Her movie star looks and seductive antics not only make the men crazy for her, she also severely shake up other women's confidence in themselves. And to make matters 10x worse, she fans the fire by talking trash behind Georgia's back and congratulating Josh for cheating on Georgia with new girl Kazimir.
Even poor Eyal, her first partner, caught heat from the audience for kissing her in front of Alex. Only later did he reveal that she was egging him on the whole time, daring him to prove his devotion to her.
Which brings up the point: all women have known a Megan at some point in their lives. She's attractive not in a girl-next-door-sweet, or cute and funny, or classy and elegant way, but in a drop-dead gorgeous way. Like that's how straightforward it is. Put her in a room with 5 women and 5 men, and all the men would pine for her, as if the other women were made of thin air. And more often than not, they'd rather remain single and smitten with her, than give any other female a chance. Of course, she's also passive aggressively gloating about it, all the while turning the men against each other, against the other women, and banishing the other women to I'm invisible-and-insecure-land simultaneously.
If there was an Ancient Greek version of Love Island, she'd be a hybrid of Helen of Troy (looks), Circe (stealing men from their partners), and Cleopatra (schemer and snake lover)...with the Medusa serpent hair only we can see.
But, we all know a woman like Megan, and if we happen to get caught in her path, it's like being stuck in a never-ending nightmare (*cough* Inception). She may even put on the front of being friendly with us, in order to seek out opportunities to check out our guy friends or use us as bait for guys: hey look I have all these girlfriends. Sometimes she picks other women not as stunning as herself to hang out with, to amplify her own star power in front of the opposite sex. She also likes to describe herself as shy, and acts that way for first impressions, so as to not appear bossy or scheming. Definitely can't have those warning bells going off too early! Troy was not destroyed in a day, and traps take time and planning to be truly effective.
Even when you ultimately call her out, and shun her, and warn the guys repeatedly with evidence, it's all in vain. They think you're jealous, and could care less about your petty girl squad squabbles. The worst part is, even when they genuinely believe you, all the logical evidence in the world could not stack up against a few seconds of her "loving" gaze and soft voice. He hates himself afterwards, but he'll still fall into her trap over and over.
But before we proclaim this the female version of Inception, let's take a step back and dissect a telling tweet:
So to put things in perspective, let's get these facts straight:
- Nobody gets $25,000 worth of plastic surgery done without some level of insecurity.
- Beautiful women can use their outer appearances to lure men initially, but they are often boring to be around and/or have questionable morals and difficult personalities. This will make building and maintaining relationships harder down the line.
- Men can feel insecure too. They want attractive partners, but not so attractive that she gets pined after by every other man on the planet and combined with her lack of morals, may run off with any of them on whim (Love Island deja vu?)
- Plastic surgery today = pain and suffering in years to come. Not good for overall health, happiness, or confidence.
- Men who pick partners based on looks alone, will be the same ones who stray when another more exotic or younger version comes along. Do you really want to be the one he fancies?
- Megan's profession was a strip club dancer and online porn actress. She literally makes a living posing nude, seducing men, and chasing fame. If we were to only look at those metrics, well yea...it is hard for someone else to compete on face value. It's like me jogging a few hours a week, trying to compete with Usain Bolt at the Olympics. How upset should I be that I lost that game?
- To expand on #6: the men who play that game, no matter how much they claim they don't, are not in your court. Technically speaking, they don't belong in your orbit, and neither does she. Find your own ball court, your own teammates, and your own matches. If anything, Jack Fincham should be evidence enough that such men exist. He's never gawked at Megan, never tried to talk her up, and never considered leaving his partner Dani.
- Be keen and be conscious of the people around you, as well as yourself. Don't get caught playing someone else's game. Find your own match.
Now with all seriousness, we have to admit we love her sunglasses style. All the contestants get to wear clothes supplied by the official Love Island partner MissGuided, but they bring their own sunglasses. And Megan's are hands down the best of the group -- she sure knows how to play to win.
After all, nobody ever said serpents weren't stylish.
Grab an affordable version of her sunglasses here.
Even her pair of aviators have a island feel with its red and green colored frames. Get those here.